The Hub and I made a personal decision that when we had the Barbarians I would become a stay-at-home Mum. I didn’t stop working, I just took casual jobs that let me work around the kids – so I worked a series of jobs and often weird hours to accommodate them.
As far as they are concerned, I have always been a stay at home Mum.
For me it meant giving up a career (which I was doing very well at) and the money that goes with it, to be Mum. It also meant not much sleep because I worked for many years during the night (from home).
Even though the Barbarians are much older, I still am a stay at home Mum (meaning I am home when they are home). And I still work weird jobs and hours. But public perception as the Barbarians have grown is quite negative. I won’t bore you with the details, but people can by very judgemental.
I have probably worked harder and for much less money for all the years I’ve had the Barbarians than I ever did before them (and I had a job where I was working 60-70 hours a week).
I can see the benefits from having made this choice (and before anyone starts on the benefits of childcare for socialisation, development etc I am a qualified early childhood teacher and have worked in childcare – and that makes me stand by my position even more).
It can be really hard being in a minority group. Last week I saw this cartoon strip from the For Better of For Worse comics…
It reminded me of why I have done this. Time with the Barbarians is only borrowed. I get 18 (and maybe a couple more) precious years with each. It really isn’t a sacrifice to give them my time.
My job is Mum and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
June 10, 2020 at 11:00 pm
I wonder if the negative perception comes from jealousy, AJ. Why should anyone outside your family have an opinion on how you manage your day/life???? And feel the need to let you know said opinion? Yep, I think jealousy is at play here.
Deb
June 16, 2020 at 6:39 pm
Maybe, Deb. I don’t know. I don’t judge others on the choices they make but it seems they feel the right to judge mine.
June 10, 2020 at 11:28 pm
I did the same thing, including the casual jobs, and I wouldn’t trade a moment of it. Time goes too fast! But I hold no judgment against women who work. Not everyone can or wants to be a stay-at-home mom. To each her own. Enjoy your barbarians!
June 16, 2020 at 6:40 pm
Exactly, Jenny! This was the right choice for us, but everyone has to make the choice that best suits them. I wouldn’t give up a minute of it either – I know we made the right decision – but people sure can be judgemental.
June 11, 2020 at 12:19 am
How times change. When I had my two babies and chose to work until they were in school, I was looked down upon for continuing to work, like I was selfish. Well, they both grew into happy productive kids doing it the way I thought best for my family. Yours will too!
June 16, 2020 at 6:41 pm
It is funny how times change, Jacqui. You did what you thought was best at the time and now it has flipped indeed. I think every family chooses what is best for them, so I’m not sure why they then have to put down other people’s choices.
June 11, 2020 at 6:40 am
As a society, we give way too much importance to “productivity” and outside work. We don’t give enough importance to the things that make a life, such as friends, family, and relationships. Making and keeping a home are vital components of living a life, but we don’t seem to value them.
June 16, 2020 at 6:42 pm
I think that’s it exactly, Liz. I do get the impression from a lot of people (and the government) that what I have chosen isn’t to be valued, In Oz, those who use childcare get it 50% paid for by the government, but if you choose to care for your own children you don’t get anything.
June 11, 2020 at 8:37 am
You can’t win as a woman: you stay at home and how dare you subscribe to old fashioned ideals, but you work and omg think of the children!
I think you have to do whats best for your family and your children! As long as the children feel loved and supported whats the issue?
You’re super woman! Don’t let anyone tell you other wise. I’ll punch them in the throat with a chair if they do!
June 16, 2020 at 6:43 pm
Every family is different – some kids thrive in care, others thrive at home. There isn’t one rule that suits everyone. As you say, GF, there is no win for the Mum.